Modi Entertainment் Network

I read a piece during the weekend where the Champions League was launched with great fanfare. Two teams each from the professional leagues from India, England, Australia, and South Africa. This, Mr.Modi will want us to believe, will be on the lines of the Champions League in football.

Suresh Menon has covered this issue well in his Cricinfo piece. What will Shane Warne do if Hampshire joins Rajasthan Royal? Will he turn up for both? Sounds ridiculous, but it may happen if Mr.Modi wishes! That will happen as long as IPL is professional and the others are not. Because ideally professional clubs will have the exclusivity angle covered, which would mean that both Hampshire and Rajasthan Royal cannot play Warne. The owners of Royals are no fools to allow Warne to play for any other team in the League. And there are more instances like this! Graeme Smith, Mathew Hayden, Muralitharan, and few others! So you will end up with a pretty lop-sided league, where six out of the eight teams will field less than their strongest teams for reasons other than cricketing matters!

Another important angle is the ICL. There are litigations round the corner if Mr.Modi bulldozes his way and disallows the ICL players from playing in the League. I think he can't stop that happening! If Lou Vincent is allowed to play for Lancashire, it is assumed that the club will field them in the League as well, if it qualifies. If he plays in the League, can we assume that BCCI/ICC is legitimizing ICL? The BCCI officials pat themselves on the back for 'professionalizing the sport.’ (What does that mean?) Banning ICL is nothing but plain 'dadagiri.'

But strange things have happened in this sport in the last month. Maybe this adds to the list………

My better half, the Smart Alec that she is, pointed out that she’d read somewhere recently that Modi in his early days ran an outfit called Modi Entertainment Network (MEN). ‘Isn’t this circus also part of MEN?’ she asked. I smiled almost to suggest, ‘You couldn’t more right.’

The Indian 'Say No to Drugs' League!!

I watched ten minutes of the Indian Pensioner's League(IPL)—sorry any league that has Pollock, McGrath, Warne, and Gilchrist can only be a pensioner's game—that is not the point.

The IPL began with huge fanfare on Friday evening—so they say. I cannot see myself watching a T20 game—I am a sucker for the longer version—I enjoy moments like the Ishant Sharma spell to Ponting and the Sidebottom spell to Tendulkar and T20 doesn’t offer me such moments. I kept myself away from it until a close friend messaged me about McCullum's knock. Anyways, I was driving to the airport to see off my brother and his family. That night over and the next morning, I wake up to front-page photographs of Shahrukh Khan and his son cheering for his team. May be I am missing something.

Come Saturday afternoon/evening, I was caught up with something else that I totally missed the matches. I was once again woken up the next morning by newspaper items suggesting that for the second straight day, the matches have been a sellout. Wow, that must be something!

Therefore, I decided to catch up some IPL action on Sunday. Somebody told me that Arun Lal and Sivaramakrishnan were on the panel of commentators—I decided to “mute” the sound—my views on them are clear—they are the modern-day versions of Kader Khan - Shakti Kapoor combination. The wicket was a shocker and the cricket was even more pedestrian. Come on, the world's most talented cricketers were on display, so proclaimed Lalit Modi! The cricket on display reminded me of those Suniel Shetty XI versus Sachin Tendulkar XI —obviously this was better than those 'Say No to Drugs' matches—only just.

Later in the evening, I stepped out with my wife to go to a neighborhood Cafe Coffee Day outlet for a post-dinner chai. People were on the streets—all along I was led to believe by the media and Modi that people would be engrossed in a Mumbai Indians match, something like the India-Pakistan match at Centurion on the Mahashivaratri day of 2003—I was fooled by Modi and his PR machinery! I must point out that there were (many) more TV sets blaring even during the Perth Test match than last evening. When we reached the CCD outlet, the match was being shown LIVE on the TV set—nobody was watching—people were in their own converstaions rather than bother about Harbhajan bowling to Boucher (I hope to have got it correctly, ignorant ass that I am).

My wife, the better half that she is, asked me in an Alec Smart-ish tone, "Why don't they put on MTV? Atleast, people will watch some music videos." I had no ready answer. My mind went back to those days when industrialists donated money to charities in exchange of some governmental favors. Probably, this time around, and in a deregulated economy, the industrialists (Sharukh and Preity included) are loosening their purse strings and investing in their own version of 'Say No to Drugs' matches, probably some tax rebate, somewhere!

I returned home to watch some EPL action to look for similarities between the IPL and the EPL (we were told by Shri Modi that the IPL would be on the lines of the EPL). My wife, the Alec Smart, tells me that EPL is sport and IPL is not. I got my answer.

Is Anyone at Cricket Center Listening?

Another Test series ended. The series was drawn 1-1. Some said it was a fair result, considering that the two teams are well matched. May be. May be not. But, there were few disturbing thoughts.

- That we chose to play a Test series in India after March 15 was shocking. Who at BCCI does the scheduling? Where do you play a Test match? Chennai, Ahmedabad, and Kanpur! Dare M/S Niranjan Shah & Co. to go on a walk (even for 10 minutes) during the day in these cities around this time of the year! How can you expect people to throng the stadiums? How can you expect the players be on the ball all the time in this oppressive heat? If the players are not playing at their best, how do you expect TV viewers to watch these matches? Ideally, as someone had pointed out, Test matches in India must be played between October and February—the weather is good, the spectators will line up both at the stadium as well as close to their TVs. The players will relish the weather and there will be some good cricket played. Is anyone at Cricket Center listening?

- That the Test series was not broadcast live on radio was shocking. Working professionals like me who wanted to follow the game had nothing to turn to. I can't think of cricket fans in some remote corner of this land. The Board talks about taking the game to all parts of the country. Can someone tell me how? Besides, did anyone watch the coverage on Neo Sports? Pathetic, I must say. The feed is terrible and the commentator-duo of Arun Lal and L Sivaramakrishnan is the modern-day avatar of Kader Khan-Shakti Kapoor! The pictures are jarring, to say the least. Who in the Board is responsible for this farce? Is anyone at Cricket Center listening?

- That Dhoni paid Rs.10,000/- to the curator at the Green Park after the match was baffling. When the media broke the story, the Board official clarified that this was a usual practice where the captains tipped the ground staff. Why? Isn't the curator paid by the host association? Surely, he looks after the surface for the whole season- not just one solitary Test match. Maybe, the host association doesn't feel like having a pitch laid out for the whole season. No wonder, the standards at the domestic level are pathetic. Ideally, every association in India must have a qualified curator on its rolls that needn't be tipped after every win. Is anyone at Cricket Center listening?

- That our batsman saw the color green on the Motera wicket and ran as fast they could to the pavilion. The innings folded up for 76, two hours after it started on the first morning. Somebody said we won Test matches at Perth, Kingston, Trent Bridge, and Jo'burg in the last two years - all bowler-friendly (fast-bowling-friendly) conditions. However, you have these conditions in India, the same vaunted line-up flounders. Why? I don't have an answer! Similar to "Why is water liquid?” I read reports about the players being more involved in the IPL build-up than preparation for the series. If that is true, then the Board should be taken to task-because the players were obviously do their bit of promotion at the behest of some senior Board members. Is anyone at Cricket Center listening?

- That there are few players whose Test career is on the line. Wasim Jaffer has played six Test matches with just a solitary fifty. He must be told to go." Yuvraj must be told that he is the Most Valuable Player in the ODI format, but he is a no-no in the longer version. Irfan Pathan bowls like one-day bowler in Test matches—125 kmph, mixes things up, sticks to a line and length- therefore he is largely ineffective. Can our selectors drop these guys from the Test arena? No, they will continue to pick these players based on some past glory. Worse, like the aam aadmi, they can't separate performances between the two formats. That makes me wonder—Is anyone at Cricket Center listening?

- That Test cricket is a boutique product. It must be nurtured and taken care of like the Mughal Gardens. The curators of the Mughal Gardens look at several issues - right flowers, right environment, right audience, etc. Similarly, the curators of Test cricket in India—BCCI—must also think on these lines—right venues, right wickets, right spectators, right season, etc. It is not impossible for this Board? If M/S Pawar and Modi invested 25% of their time and effort on Test cricket (25% of the time and effort which they’re investing in IPL), cricket followers will have such a wonderful product. But then, is anyone at Cricket Center listening?

Lal-it isn't about cricket

I watched with amazement all the hoopla and hype surrounding the IPL.

Few stray thoughts.

That IPL is a pensioner's paradise. How do you explain the decisions of Glenn McGrath and Shane Warne to come out of retirements and opting to play in a grueling schedule? I read a news item where Mathew Elliot (remember him—he last played for Australia a decade ago) and Michael Kaspprowicz have reportedly agreed to play in the IPL. Look at the retirements over the last couple of months—Adam Gilchrist and Shaun Pollock! You do not need to be an Einstein to infer. They said T20 is a young man's game!

That Ganguly, Laxman, Dravid, and Tendulkar are captains of the respective teams. Laxman was discarded from the Indian team in the 50-over format some four years back because he was considered 'slow.' A month back, Ganguly and Dravid were dropped from the Indian 50-over team because their ageing limbs cannot cover the big grounds in Australia. What it tells you is that you may be unfit to play for your country but the same people (who think so) will call you to lead teams in a format where your limbs may even break! It is like withdrawing ageing boxers from the World welterweight championships, but they are found good enough to be part of the Super heavyweight category but at the provincial level!

That no player will talk about too much cricket now. I remember Tendulkar complaining to the media how tightly packed schedules were not helping his tired body. What will he say now? What if he says, "I have just finished a grueling IPL. I don't think I can tour Sri Lanka." What will the selectors say? Will they cry foul? When was the last time a Chief Selector looked at the scheduling and said 'enough is enough?' M/S Vengsarkar & Co., interesting times ahead!

That the IPL management (comprising of Lalit Modi, Lalit Modi, and Lalit Modi) managed to get the likes of Tom Moody, John Buchanan, Greg Chappell, and Martin Crowe to be in charge of the teams. You will wonder if it was the same board that struggled to even find a list of people to call for the Indian coach's job. In fact, the BCCI made such a monkey (not a racist slur—we worship Hanuman!) of itself that it called two candidates, one who had suspect credentials (of coaching South Africa) and the other whose name was added to make it look like a list! Now, the glitterati are coming to India. The Adelaide curator is also coming to create nice cricket wickets. Mr. Modi, couldn't you have done all this to the Duleep Trophy and Ranji Trophy, your premier tournaments. Wonder, what Lalu Rajput would be saying? "Mummy, I want a team too!"

That everybody from Ness Wadia to Shahrukh Khan is talking about Indian domestic cricket. No longer, will first-class cricketers be looked at as "domestic" helps (obviously pun intended!), so say the city club honchos. Therefore, you have a situation where money is splurged into a format that is not even the mainstream format. The players say that playing Tests for their countries is the ultimate thing! If that is the case, am I wrong to infer that the players will not play the IPL with that intensity? Can this imply that the quality of cricket will not be that great? In that case, why should I watch it? Rather, why should anyone watch it?

That everybody is gushing over how Anil Kumble will get to bowl to Sachin Tendulkar and that Brett Lee will finally have a go at Mathew Hayden and Ricky Ponting. They will only get a 4-over spell and that too in a format that has field restriction! Sorry, this does not work for me. Ask Kumble and he will tell you that he would rather bowl to Tendulkar with a slip and couple of others in close-in positions. Can his captain give him that luxury? I am not sure. So, is the Indian public short-changed again? You will probably see a heavyweight bout with one of the contender's arms tied up!

That I recently saw a news item where Channel Nine stopped telecast of a one-dayer between India and Sri Lanka. Increasingly, cricket administrators are finding it difficult to fill stadiums ( or find enough TV viewers) for neutral games. The Champions Trophy matches held in October 2006 in India, not featuring India, were played to empty stands. I asked myself," Will I go and watch Joginder Sharma bowl at Stephen Fleming?" (I hope they are not teamed together.) NOOOOOOOO! OK, where do I go and watch that happen? In an Indian stadium—we don't have a decent stadium! For years, cricket administrators have short-changed paying spectators by providing them with broken wooden chairs and leaky toilets in the cricket stadiums. Somebody screamed, "TV rights hai na." Last morning I asked my dhobi (who provides a daily analysis to the other support staff in my building on the day's cricket news),"IPL aa raha hai. Tum dekhoge?” "Nahin saab, ismein India kahaan hai? India ke match ho toh mazaa hai." I wished I had taped this and sent it to Lalit Modi.